High as a Kite

On life!  Herman Boone's talk and that kid's video really did a number on me.  This past week all I've done is think positively and I'm not over-thinking things as much.  I'm building my confidence little by little... at the end of the year.  So they'll be lessons more for next semester than in the now.  Guys, you never know how great it is to not hate yourself.... well, until you don't.  The way I've been feeling compared to how I feel now just makes it all too apparent. 

Had dinner with some awesome people today.  I hope I stay friends with them, I really do. 

I watched Waiting for Superman today. It was very powerful, and most importantly sad.  I cried a little.  I'm super sleepy or I would have more to say about it.

I met Herman Boon Today

He talked at my school.  Yeah, that Coach Boone. Not Denzel Washington, the real thing.  I had to go for extra credit in a course but I'm so glad I did and wish I would have wanted to anyway - so in short I'm glad I went!   He spoke with such sincerity and belief that we were all at USD for a reason, and it was pretty inspiring.  Some advice he gave that I'd like to pass on: have a plan for the future because we are the future.   But, plan your way.  I think that means to be ready and have a goal but also be flexible because as youth sometimes we either get too flimsy with our values/goals; conversely, we will squander our energy if we just spend all our time towards that one goal to the point where we stress ourselves out.

Have a great evening!

Today.

Was a mixed bag.  I realized I have very few friends and none of them are close.  My jealousy of those that have been succeeding is turning me into a very difficult person who only has more trouble going out.  I seem to have some sort of "RESCUE ME" attitude thinking that people will come and get me out of my room, and say "let's go on an adventure!" or something.  Even that one moment would be great.

People come for my roommate a lot.  So far this year only the same person has come for me twice, and the second time she just wanted to give me leftover pizza.

Today I was really down on myself until someone from school - without prompt - talked to me on facebook.  It's really weird, for even facebook contact to be enough to 180 my mood.  But sometimes it's enough.  And today it was.  It was a preeeetttyyyy laaaaaadyyyy~ (with apologies to her for the exaggerated creepiness should she ever find this) which helped.  And since I've been close to being on top of the world.

I'm just going to have to try harder!  I think I can do better.

Another thing that boosted my mood: this video below.  Not because of his suffering but because he knows that, even though he may hate himself, there's still so much more to do in life - and he is very strong to rise to the occasion and use his strength positively.

That last moment is so poignant and I wish I had the strength to actively remember that he's absolutely right.

 Some days I feel hopeless just like the way he describes.  His tears are truly genuine, and major props to him for speaking out in such a productive way.  I hope he takes comfort in knowing that this video has gone viral and will inspire many.

Update

I keep forgetting to do that. I should, I think it'd be good for me.

My mood is severely fluctuating these days.  Want to die, but not kill myself etc.  Oh well.