I EXIST!

Maybe I'll update you folks on my life sometime soon.  But for now here's a poem,because my friends are like WRITE ONE NOW.

Today a sigh goes by.
Leaving nothing but her smile.
Mind's regret, nothing set,
Never times better spent.

Wondrous images flowing in
More vivid even than the past.
Is she the one who will make me move on?
Has this lost bird found his nest?

Not a nesting place; nothing but caves in that heart.
Holes for past lovers.
Which is mine?
Am I doomed to that place already?

Pretty Poison is she.
Thus, woe is me.
________________

I'm not too happy with it, but whatever.

Somewhere

Somewhere in the future, they lay in wait.
People to drag you down, across the ground,
Whispering sweet affections while plotting away for your demise.
A tragic end in store for the one who falls.

Unconsciously loathing you for all that you have.
Your successes, your failures, enviable in variety.
Experiences they know they'll never have.
Already dead inside - so young, so tragic.
So regrettable.

Are they there?  In the now?  In the then?
Surrounding you, feeding the paranoia.
A different creature to fear, closer still.
The Transformation to begin.

Who are you?  Have you changed?
Time never has been kind.
Though you know not the Inner Demon afflicting,
It exists.  There, haunting, scheming, molding.

Overnight?  No, this takes time.
Suddenly, the enemy passes.
Time means nothing, neither cruel mistress nor lover.
Merely the means to an end.

Somewhere in your future, you are.
Draggin others down, across the ground.
Whispering sweet affections while plotting others' demise.
Where are those experiences now?  Have they left you?
Did you leave them behind?

Just as they envied, so do you.
Never with reason.  Only with doubt.

Can you be free?
Will you find your way out of this hole?


Who knows?

Update on my life

I've become something I don't want to be. Or was I always this way? I cling to people that I'm scared of losing even if I'd be better w/out them. And God knows I would. Really. I mean it this time.  I guess I'm still that scared of forgetting my past. Different people. Same story. The worst part is they know it and will use it to their advantage, these people. God damn. Where did I go wrong? And is there a quick way out? It's been bothering me since Friday. I'm afraid if I really wanted to cut this person out I couldn't be able to.

 

Hi folks I'm Kevin Brennan and I still have a blog.

The Last Numbered Four

Hey All.

Here's my last four for Lent.

I've enjoyed this journey and I hope anybody who has come upon this journal does as well.

I've grown some as a writer I like to think.

13 minutes, let's do this thang
________________________
37

The clock struck.
Midnight?
No.  Never shall midnight come to pass.
A day eternal, a life of withdrawal.

Empty?
Nay!  Simplicity.
He, like the day, cannot end.
Both lacking methods of completion,
Alone in suffering.

I, their champion!
Right from wrong.
I will train the clock,
So it may strike midnight once again.

As for He?
Beyond saving.
I reach for him,
Receiving no response.
His wheels are turning,
His cogs are spinning.
I cannot fix Him without His help.

The human machine is still a mystery.
I call upon God to save my friend.
No response.

__________
38

Today is the end.
An ending quite fitting.
Sometimes, water droplets
Stop flowing.

In their place, find
A clogged drain.
No middle ground.
No safety.
No normality.

Water droplets trickle
Out of my sink.
Like my life force, infinite supply...
Yet a sink can be turned off.

My life force flows out.
I cannot contain it.
That control is what I need.
Please, plant the seed.
_________________
39
Four minutes until death,
My warning.
He came and went, Death.
A first visit of many.

Three.
Little time remaining.
No time to say goodbye.
Begin the weeping.

Two.
A beating heart
Goes into convulsions.
I've pictured this before,
Experience however is new.

One.
It hurts to move this pencil.
I shall end on a high note.
At least I had fun.
_____________
40

Dates matter not.
Only what happened.
Memories confuddled,
Stories sold off.

Murky waters.
Murky like my mind.
My vision fading, too.
At last the day ends.

Never thought it would come.
Peace in the silence.
Peace in the darkness.
Peace in solitude.

36

Sliding down.
A perpetual spiral of confusion.
He alternates, high - low.
No stops in sight.

No release.
No escape.
Cycling down,
For all eternity.

The End at last.
All that remains
Is the stairway to the top.
Begin again!

All the same.
All the same.
But He knows
No better.
He can do no better.
He suffers forever.
Cog in the machine.

33 1/3

34

Morning.
A cigarette to the lips.
That familiar feeling,
Smoke engulfing.
Temporary bittersweet relief;
Enough then.

Afternoon.
A cigar to the mouth.
I'm less accustomed to that taste.
Sweeter, somehow less satisfying.
No inhaling, only exhaling.
Removing my demons, imbibing toxins.

Evening.
Light up the bowl.
Understanding within reach,
Indeed my savior I beseech.
Green leaves creating crops
Ripe with unusual musings.
Preparation for dreams.

Dreamland.
No cigarette, no cigar.  No bowl.
All in preparation for now.
Glasses of wine, easing the pain.
Others to share with, nothing to give.

Next morning.
Cycles created, never ended.
Repeating mannerisms, forevermore.
Habits die hard;
Addictions and demons never do.
_____________________________
Poem 35

Instinct remains.
Fighting, flighting,
Bereft of logical choices.
Animals?  Humans?
Humbug!  Simply nature.

Silver crown of reason, shining bright.
Creating wisdom, power above
The killer Instinct.
Ever ready.

Reason. Instinct.
Neither at their peak
While the other exists.
Let us separate them!
Reaction time: everything.
Winner becoming a Golden Crown.

Battle begins.
Reason calling on wits,
Instinct preferring dark secrets
And quick movements.
Reason has brought friends;
Instinct only itself.
No honor, only victory.

A hollow victory for Reason!
Instinct defeated:
No purpose for Reason.
No kingdom to preside over.

You who separated two powers.
Learn!  Completion not just out of love.
Out of trials and tribulations.

Instinct and Reason.
Twins manipulated.
If only they could see!
The way they once saw.
Together they prosper.
Apart they falter.

Three for today

Poem 31

You.
Sent from above to
Ease my pain.
Another needs you more.
Still, stay.

You.
Never returning my gifts.
Never reciprocating my care.
Not to be down,
Still... why?

You.
All this time.
Was it worth it?
Everything you did to me?
At least one of us had fun.

(weak...)
_____________________
Poem 32

Sentence after sentence
For senseless crimes.
Never learning, never caring:
Never wondering.

Can the cycle be escaped?
Not on the watch of the Watchers.
They who claim to protect,
Merely destroying.

Here stand I alone
Suffering in darkness.
Watchers know no better than I
Right from wrong.

Watchmen don't wonder.
Other prisoners don't wonder.
I wonder:
Why wonder alone?
________________
Poem 33

Papa.
Man of his word.
Omnipresent and omniscient.
So much to teach, to share.
Cannot wait till I speak!

Dad.
Responsible guardian.
Playful companion,
Ever keeping watch
And spouting wisdom.
Feels love, is loved.

Mid-life Crisis.
A need to escape.
Longing for adventure,
Feeling free as the wind.
Never again,
Never to be free.

Old man.
His connections lost.
There's nothing left for him
But the idle family life and
Perennial desk work.
Friends gone, ties broken.
Only connections to the telephone wires.
Has love, but is not loving.

I imprisoned him.
Made him sad.
His wisdom falls on deaf ears,
I - his son - now more mouse than man.
Follow in his footsteps I cannot.
He will be a better grandfather.

For my son will not watch him falter
And tire.
_______
poem for 4/2/12 will come tomorrow along with 4/3's poem.